The Lazy Gardener’s Guide to Keeping Houseplants Alive (Or Not)
Welcome, fellow plant enthusiasts! Or should we say, fellow plant murderers?
If you’re anything like us and your green thumb is actually some odd shade of purple, you’ve more than likely had your fair share of botanical casualties. But fear not, for we at Impact Home Staging Experts are here to impart some dubious wisdom on how to (supposedly) keep those leafy green creatures alive in your home. And hey, we’ll throw in some real tips too, just for kicks.
Step 1: Water When You Remember…But Not Too Much!
Sure, you could set up a complex watering schedule, meticulously noting the needs of each individual plant. Or you could take the lazy route and water them whenever you remember. Just make sure not to drown them; most houseplants prefer to dry out a bit between waterings. A good rule of thumb is to stick your finger into the soil; if it’s dry an inch or so down, it’s time to water. See, we can be responsible (sometimes)
Step 2: Find at Least a Ray of Sunlight
Believe it or not, plants actually do need some sunlight to survive. So, try to find a spot in your home that gets a decent amount of natural light. Sure, you could meticulously calculate the sun exposure of each room, or you could just eyeball it and hope for the best. Most houseplants will do just fine with indirect sunlight, so don’t stress too much about finding the perfect spot. Inexpensive grow lights are available on Amazon for those of you who are trying to grow houseplants alongside the shoes in your closet. (We would never do that…)
Step 3: Consider Repotting… Eventually
It’s true that plants can outgrow their pots, you don’t need to rush out and buy a new one every time you see a little root poking out. Most plants can go a year or two without being repotted, so feel free to put it off until you absolutely have to. Or when you’re just really sick of that ugly pot your mother-in-law gave you last Christmas. When the time does come, just make sure to choose a pot that’s slightly larger (and less ugly) than the current one and use a good-quality potting mix. See, we’re practically gardening geniuses here!
Step 4: Feed Your Plants… Sometimes
Okay, we’ll admit it, plants do need nutrients to thrive. But you don’t need to become a master gardener overnight. A simple, all-purpose fertilizer applied once or twice a year should do the trick for most houseplants. Just follow the instructions on the package and try not to overdo it. Your plants will thank you…well, not really.
Step 5: Embrace the Silk Plant Revolution (Or Not)
Now, if all this sounds like way too much effort, fear not! There’s a simple solution: silk plants. Yes, you heard us right. Embrace the faux foliage and never worry about watering, sunlight, or neglect again. How about a “Fake-us” tree? These beauties will stay green and vibrant no matter how much you ignore them. Plus, they’re practically indestructible! Forget about wilting leaves and brown spots; your silk plants will remain perpetually perfect. You might want to dust them once in a while, but who are we to judge?
Yes, keeping houseplants alive is a noble pursuit, oh ye of the purple thumb. But if ain’t nobody got time for that, and you’d rather spend your time binge-watching Netflix (or browsing Zappos.com) then a few low-maintenance plants and maybe a silk one or two might just do the trick. Just remember: a little effort goes a long way… but so does a good fake plant. Happy (lazy) gardening!
